can something dead feel the pain?

that is the only reason i can rationalize from what had happened. my heart died the moment you said the words, or the time that i guessed what you were going to say. But i’m not shitting around, this sounds so freaking cheesy, and i am so hating my self for blurting it out in the cyber world, like its not bad enought that those words actually came from my head.

Am i gonna end this between us? it’s like hanging on to a string made of feathers for my life. its like there’s no point in still holding on since it will never end up serving the purpose you had in mind, the one it is supposed to be. but you wouldn’t dare letting go either, even if its only hope that’s letting you stay. shit.

That question has been around for some time now. I see many reasons why I should. but what keeps me holding on? If the only thing that keeps us together is the trust i had in you; the belief that it will only be me in your heart… if that reason gets blown out, just like that, then what’s the point? shit (said it twice already. i think. sorry). Not once, did i let anybody create a gap between us. i had my lapses too. but never did any of those get enough value to do any significant damage in our relationship.

What’s this in my head? am i giving up? but giving up what? was i just sugar coating? living in a fantasy, a night time novela? was it really there? the love we so endlessly confess to each other? the dreams that we built, were they from thin air?….

but still… i think i just want to hold on to the memories, the good times. who doesn’t? and with this serperation anxiety that i utterly suffer from. it’s really gonna be hard to let this relationship go.

do i love you? i don’t know. its easy to say i do. i could have done that, just bring me a few days back. but now. i don’t know anymore. i don’t know anything. urgh.

For the first time, as far as i can remember, i am thankful for having a brother. just exchanging SMS with him is enought to pull me through this night ( with some help ofcourse of something i’d pick up from the store later on my way in). i got a little strenght that i need to nourish. i’ll work on that. i just hope this does not ruin my performance at work. attitude is very important.

REBORN

Although i really don’t think this is the best timing to add a new POST, in this blog, i just really think i have to before i end up losing my sanity. Reborn, indicatively, is all about the current things that are going on in my life, both real, or the ones just in my head. i don’t hink everything is worth mentioning though, and its not that i have undergone some sort of ritual nor reincarnation or what. this is basically just the blog itself, being reborn. With the difference between my previous life situation and the path i’ve chosen, it just seems that the title is kinda appropriate. and i know, its not that i got followers for this blog. i’ just reliving it; back to its original purpose: an avenue for venting out the screams in this head. before it explodes.

Our Town is Ready to be the next ICT Destination!

Wow! Gensan is definitely on the go. Other than the grand opening of BigR this month, what else can we talk about? Of course there is the all-time fame by the pound per pound boxing champ, Manny. And who is not to notice MP’s buildings, sprouting like mushrooms scattered around the city, opening the door for so many business opportunities, and housing offices, or whatsoever (I’ve even heard about an IT Park being constructed beside our college, BCSI). Gensan is definitely on the move in the cyber world. The people here are already making use of the advantages brought by modern technology, especially in communication and business. You can’t find a block with out an internet cafe, or a wifi spot! (Even our apartment down roxas is wifi) Speaking of the internet,
gosh! Ever since I’ve transfered here, I have had paperless clases. Assignments and other requirements were passed through e-mail. We even had an on-line class one time, to make up for an absence. Now, that’s definitely making use of modern communication, the right way. Add that up with the THREE awards garnerned by our very own, GENSAN NEWS ONLINE MAG.(http://www.gensantos.com/2009/10/26/3-wins-for-gensan-news-online-mag-at-philippine-blog-awards/) Isn’t that proof enough of how the city is on its way on becoming the next ICT destination? Good thing there is an upcoming 200MW powerplant to be built near the area. That should be enough to provide the city’s electrical needs; with all these progress going on.

But of course, what tops the resources? It’s the people of General Santos, the spirit which makes it truly a very Magandang Gensan.

Sponsors:
ABS-CBN
(http://www.abs-cbn.com/)

ISA 12
http://www.isa.org/MSTemplate.cfm?MicrositeID=150&CommitteeID=4612

ISA-12 Youth Gensan
http://isa-12youthgsc.blogspot.com/2009/10/normal-0-false-false-false-en-us-x-none.html

ICT Solutions Associations Region 12
http://www.bmp.communicasia.com/index.php5?id=166724&highlight=&fid=594&offset=10&Action=showCompany

Our Town is Ready to be the next ICT Destination!
Robinsons Place-Blog Writing Contest
BCSI
#10, Unit 2, Roxas St., East Avenue, General Santos City
sarahsuyom@gmail.com

10–22-23–09

this afternoon, all the other djs and I went into our final interview. and something tells me not to worry. hmm.. i was nervous at first that i could feel my hands shaking. gosh. good thing i did not stammer or what. but i think my thoughts ran too fast for my lips again. haha. anyway, good thing that it was over, i’ll get in if i deserve it. and word went out that i did, DID it. haha. but i would hold back until the final announcement is given. ^^ now, i am wonderin why i’m still up and out at this hour, since tom, we will be having an outing the psyc students. and gosh. we still hav to prepare for the food still so i think id be needing th sleep. well, think i just couldn’t resist updating my log. haha. which reminds me.. the guys earlier, te interviewers, somehow dug into this blog thingy, and i think they will be asking back (if ever) about my post about my experience earlier. hmm.. goodluck to everybody. haha. gtg. ☺

not just yhanie, but ALL THE REST

now, i know my last blog entry about my classmates are kin of harsh. haha. anyway, here’s what, agter this semester, i’m taking some of the things i said back. i fell in love with everyone, individually, and everyone, altogether.

thanks to our first bonding chance, our play in literature1, Oedipus Rex adapatation, i got the chance to mingle with them, got to know them, and eventually enjoyed their company. and there is no one exemption. every person was uniquely different from each, that it was amazing to find them all in a single place at once. hmm.. i think i’ll be taking the time to introduce each one into this online journal.. but for now, that is what i have to say. NOT IRITATING at all. ^^

Anthony Khacep Yu

When or instructor told us that we have or stage play in her subject I felt hassled because that would mean that we need to practice everytime we have our free time. But what I kept thinking was, I will do this for the sake of my grade.
During or meetings about r stage pay, I felt nervous again because I didn’t know what would be my task. So when the time came that they assigned me as Oedipus, the main character of the play, the first thing that went into my head was to refuse. I told them that I would accept other roles instead. But then, my classmates also refused to have the lead character, so it was decided that the three of us would have the role of the lead character and then, I had nothing else to do but to accept it.
Every time we have our practice and I see the script, I just wanted to quit. I hate memorizing. But I am forced to do it well and I don’t have a choice because my grade is affected. My head was aching and it was hard for me to memorize. It took a long time for me to familiarize the script, and I have to read it over and over again.
But I took the practice seriously that when someone is asking me questions or talking to me while I was memorizing, I didn’t entertain them. I focused with what I was doing. Sometimes I gave myself a break, but it came to a point that I have to miss my lunch for the sake of my script to be memorized!

my journal entries (2)

October 2, 2009

Finally! The play was finished! No more waiting for members to arrive for practices, no more “Cut!”-ing and reminding, no more sacrificial meals, no more bothering about the set and the costumes, no more worries about how everything would end up and how our efforts would pay off. And fortunately, it did end well. No written exam for this subject means satisfied spectators right? Well then all is well that ends well
Finding out that we would have a play, I had mixed emotions rising then. I never really hoped for group-dependent activities since I am not used to entrusting my grades with others, but then, the thought of the drama itself is just so thrilling. When I was first chosen as the director, there was reluctance in me. Different thoughts came flooding my mind and none was pretty…”These guys would never take this seriously, we’re doomed!” “Gosh, this is one big responsibility. What a bummer!” “Hey I’m a transferee, they are never going to listen to me”… but then again, there were people like ate Emz, Yhanie, and ate Nanette who gave me their trust and believed in my capabilities, right from the start. And so I did too. I assumed the position as the director and in return, trusted the actors, my classmates, with as much trust as they gave me. There were times were I just couldn’t help but be strict for them to take the practice seriously. And believe me, it was such a relief to see the effort that they were giving… that indeed; they were listening and trying their best. Take note, almost everyone from class was the shy type, especially our lead character, played by our only men. So it wasn’t easy, to act on that stage and I am very proud of every single one of them.
My morning started with a jump out of bed, after an almost sleepless night. There were just so many things to worry about, especially the set as it wasn’t finished last night. I didn’t know that we were only allowed to stay in school until 9 p.m. and we just ran out of time for preparation. Everyone was exhausted with carrying heavy stuffs here and there, pulling this and that, and we didn’t even have a proper formal practice that night. Though, I did like the pacing during that informal practice- there was little energy left within each of us and that made the actors talk slowly. Ha-ha-ha. I wish they had that pacing this morning. Not to mention the power point presentation which almost put us into trouble. Good thing Rix was there to lend a hand. But I really did not like the part where there was the impromptu intro effect from the director. I totally looked like a mess, as I always do when I get busy, so I really wasn’t planning to go in fornt or what. Anyway, we were able to get through it. and then of course there were lapses and minor mistakes like with Noemi blocking, Cheng forgetting her line, Von talking too fast, Anthony in the wrong position at the end part, some props being misplaced, but still, the play went well.
Putting everything in consideration, at first, most of us were complaining about this kind of activity from a minor subject. “Sobra pa sa major” is what I always hear, and somehow, I have to agree with it. Especially for me, since I had the biggest responsibility. But now, after all is said and done, I believe none of us from the class would want to do otherwise if given the choice. For this drama presentation gave us more than just our grades, but it provided us with an avenue to improve each f our own confidence and allows further personal growth. But above

Emily Sioson

The play Oedipus Rex helps me realize to have faith in others especially in their potentials, abilities and talents. During the days of practice, I was nervous, full of doubts but hopeful for I did not see the eagerness of everyone. There are times that we find very difficult to gather every cast in one single time. Everyone was always late. During those days I found difficulties in adjusting my own schedule for I was busy. Every second was precious. It was a very stressful day for me. It was also an agony in thinking of what will be the outcome of the play. Our director is the one person I admire the most, through her, I find also inner strength in me. She also doesn’t have enough time yet she is untiringly making all the possibilities in order to make the play presentable and beautiful. Each day of our practice I realized that everyone have memorized and knew their lines so I really got surprised and humbled. Surprised because I really don’t know that my classmates are talented! Humbled because I did not know and see it. I am thankful that we have this play. It brings us closer and we had the chance to know each other. There are instances that we shared our experiences during break time. I was moved also by other psychology students who easily accepted their role as extras because we were lacking casts and we need some crowd. They helped us also set p and decorate our stage. Everywhere, and anywhere there id god’s providence we have only to open our eyes and our hands in order for us to realize that it is already there. Thanks to god that our play is successful. Thanks also to ma’am Myrlen our mentor, through her I learned a lot of lessons especially in believing in other people’s potentials, creativity and talents.

MY ROLE

My Role as Tiresias made me conscious, doubtful, uneasy and fearsome. It’s my first time to have this kind of activity. I don’t know how to act and to express my role as a soothsayer but I am forced to, for my grade in literature, I will be put in vain. During the practice, there were times that I forgot my lines due to lack of sleep and stress. A day before our play was a very memorable day because we decided to go home late for we are preparing our decoration and props for the next morning. I got home at 10 p.m. and I was starving! During the play, when I nervously performed my part, thanks to god that I did not forget my lines but I did not observe proper stage rules, for I heard our director whisper the word “blocking”. I was blindfolded but I immediately adjusted my space. When we were done with our performance, our mentor announced that we are not going to have a written exam! We all passed! I was relieved and happy.

Nannette Sebua

Practices
It was a tiring one but worth it.
First few practices were frustrating, we would only be in proper “quorum” when it was lit1 time. Other days we would come one by one, almost everybody would come later than the schedule time.
When Sarah gave us the revised copy of the script, I was happy since it was written in simple English. Almost all of my classmates did not understand the drama when it was written in its original form. We quickly tried to reaed the lines and slowly improvised our voice projection.
After three sessions, there were a few who could not memorize their lines. We were all amazed when it was Novy who9 first memorized almost all her lines and was actually characterizing it! Sometimes we would glance at our copies and eventually after September 21, we surely did it! DURING Borj’s birthday, we had our practice at their boarding house. It was fun! We started in the afternoon and ended in the evening. We took pictures and had a party with Borj. The boys surely did practice with us!
We also had a scheduled practice in the stage area of the Oval plaza. Oh boy! It was really disappointing. Only four of us came. So Sarah gave us the go signal to split up.
Anyway, whatever happened to the practices, everything was swell!

DIRECTING, DECORATIONS AND STAGE SETTING

Sarah was creative enough to nourish our “little” talents she is good and she has the ability to bring out the character we were trying to portray. She is strict in our role characterization—how we project and what tone to use.
The decorations were simple but nicely done. Everybody helped in decorating and setting up the stage. Circles cut from illustration boards were placed in the poles so to make columns to emphasize that the play was in the Greek era. Curtains were arranged in such a way that the stage would look royal.
Sarah was responsible for almost in everything—directing, highlighting, creating…

Yhanelou Mendoza

My role in our play is the easiest role in the whole play because I just have to perform at the first scene and I only have 3 lines to memorize. At first I thought that I will deliver a lot of lines and I was so nervous because of that. But when we started practicing I found out that I have the shortest lines and exposure and because of that I was very thankful with my role.
      I was very amazed with the boys in our class because they really did participate in our play and did their very best to turn our play successful. We enjoyed every practice that we had and we also enjoyed the presence of every on of us. We were always delayed during our practice because most of us arrived at the practice late especially me, and that makes our director disappointed with some of us.